first post of the new year.

Hello! 

So It’s definitely been a hot second since I’ve posted on here, but I need the extra writing to keep my juices flowing. It’s also really fun to keep my thoughts in a place where I can go back and remember them sometimes. One of my resolutions is to keep up with my blogging, because I know that this is a year I definitely want to remember. 

First order of business: a new cover video that I found this morning. In case you care at all, Bastille did what could possibly be the best cover of “No Scrubs” that I have ever heard. It’s so unique and had the same impact on me as when I heard the American Authors cover of “Royals”, except I have yet to hate hearing “No Scrubs” on the radio. 

Second: If you have the chance (or a Netflix account) I highly suggest watching the movie “Good Ol Freda.” It follows the story of the fan club president/secretary who was devoted throughout the duration of the Beatles’ entire career. She’s quite the inspiring woman, and her take on the world’s most popular and longest impacting bands is so unique. I was drawn in throughout the whole film because she is so down to earth and funny. 

Third: I learned that as much as I love snow days, even as an adult, I really love being able to get back to work. I miss driving to and from a job that puts a smile on my face each and every day. I also miss my kids like crazy and it has been far too long since I have seen them last. 

Fourth, last, and certainly not least: I think I found my dream job. Over break I saw the viral video of Beyonce singing to a terminally ill child at one of her concerts and it brought me to uncontrollable sobs. It was so beautiful to see that an organization like Make A Wish was able to create such a magical moment. I want so badly to be a part of something that makes kids so incredibly happy. After spending most of my time in college working with kids, as well as participating in Dance Marathon, my eyes were opened to something so much bigger than myself. I hope to one day have a job working in the Brentwood, TN chapter of Make A Wish.

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the power of inspiration

As an English major with a creative writing emphasis, my mind is constantly thinking of new ideas. I had to turn in a new fiction piece recently and was having the hardest time coming up with something that I felt to be right for my final story as an undergrad. Typically I sit around and listen to music, flipping through pictures to find inspiration for my piece. I find that if I base it off of something that happened, even the slightest bit, I feel involved and invested in what is going to come out of it. I decided to take my searching to an online prompt catalog, and was jolted with excitement when I decided to base my story on a song. Music is something I am so passionate about, and to me, each song has a story. Even the stupid ones. There is something that inspired that song in one way or another, which is a neat way to go about writing a story based off of a song. I decided to narrow my options down to my favorite band: Plain White T’s. For years their songs have gotten me through some of the toughest times, as well as been the soundtrack to some of my happiest. No matter where I am or what I am doing, if I hear their song on the radio or in a store, I get the biggest smile on my face. It’s so rare to find an artist that can have that form of emotion over you. Some songs can take us back to a place or time where were were completely ourselves, and I had found that with PWT. Their recent EP “Should’ve Gone to Bed” came out right before summer, and I found out that I would get the chance to see them on my 21st birthday in their hometown of Chicago, IL. What a birthday present that was. I was so happy in those two hours I saw them in the zoo with my best friends. Every time I listen to that entire EP I think back to that perfect night and the pure happiness I experienced on June 22, 2013. 

To narrow it down further, I chose the title song “Should’ve Gone to Bed”, because it definitely tells a story, and I wanted to use it as something I could transfer into my own fiction. That feeling of regret that we have all experienced at one point in our lives due to a crazy night out is something we hate in the moment, but look back on as something to learn from experience. The story I ended up writing was about a girl who fell in love with a man all too quickly, to the point of obsession. I used the perspectives of both the man and woman to convey the regret that he had in the friendship he had formed, and the love he didn’t mean to. I have never felt so proud of a story I have written, and I give all of that credit to the Plain White T’s, or any music that has served as a muse for my work. I also had to give some form of dedication to my favorite album of theirs “Every Second Counts”, so I decided to plug that with the title. At the end, I realized that the passion that the woman in the story has for this man is based off of little moments and occurrences with him, so indeed to her, every second did count. I was rather excited to see this challenge (http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/11/04/weekly-writing-challenge-music/) because it was exactly where I have been the most inspired in my writing. 

Finally, I have attached to you my piece, “Every Second Counts”

 

 

Every Second Counts

 

I used to only miss you at midnight. There’s something about those late hours that brings about a sense of vulnerability in everyone, especially if they are alone. Most people with significant others, or even love interests in general, feel a little lonely later at night. It’s an entirely new mental state, but it also brings out the honest in everyone. I would find this time of night to be the peak of my creativity, so I lit my candles and tried to scribble down a poem or two of inspiration. But since you walked away, I’ve experienced the worst writer’s block of my life. It’s like someone crept into my mind and leaked out my creativity, which saddens me to the deepest extent. You brought so much beauty into my life in so many ways. I was skimming by, seeing things through a rather gray lens. Something was missing, and the minute you struck up conversation with me at Tracy’s in June, it felt like the puzzle had been completed. I began to notice the little things, like the rich smell of cinnamon when I walked past the bakery on my way to work, and the goofy runners in the park on my break during lunch.

The image of your chestnut hair being highlighted by the sun, as well as the sparkling oceans in your eyes was permanently planted on my mind. It was surreal the impact you had on my life, but I would not have had it any other way. You made me excited to wake up in the morning, even if you weren’t by my side in bed. I knew a phone call or a simple e-mail from you while we were both at work was bound to come my way, and that’s all I needed. There was only one word to describe our relationship: bliss. All of my girlfriends thought it was amazing that I had found love so quickly, but when you know, you know, right?

Do you remember when we went to Wrigley Field for your birthday with everyone? They were playing the Dodgers that day, so it was inevitable that the Cubs were going to have their asses handed to them, but we didn’t care. We all purchased our first hot dogs and beers for the game and took our seats in the left field bleachers. The sun was out that day, but there was a perfect amount of clouds that it wasn’t miserable for a July afternoon. In the middle of the fourth inning you had to go to the bathroom, and when you got up to leave your arm brushed against mine, causing my heart to skip a few beats. I’ve never been quite this enamored by someone before, but it felt right. I had yet to express my feelings for you, and I felt like that day was going to be the big day, especially with our plans to explore the city with all of the gang that night.

            The Chicago skyline at night is something one never forgets. There’s something about the way that the lights contrast against the dark sky that gives off a classic vibe. We were all taking pictures on the deck at the planetarium when you reached over and gave me a hug, thanking me for helping plan the best birthday you had ever had. Then you pulled Mike and Sarah in as well. There was something about that moment that felt like you really cared about me. Do you remember? I do. I’ve tried to write a poem about it, but it’s so incredibly overwhelming to try and put it into words, you just want to scream it from the mountaintops, at least that’s what I thought.

            That thought of screaming it from the mountaintops combined with my creative juices gave me the ultimate way to show you how I actually felt: Open Mic night at Joe’s Bar on Saturdays. We liked to get the gang together at the end of a long week to let loose over a couple beers and watch shitty singers try to pursue their drunken dreams. You had such faith in those less-than-hopefuls, and it was so cute. I loved the way that you tried to salvage their terrible vocals. You used to tell us  “give ‘em a chance, that could be you up there someday.” Well that day came, and you had no idea.

            When the DJ read my name next, our entire table looked shocked, but I had never felt so sure in what I was about to do. My heart was racing so fast I actually believed I might have been having a heart attack if that was even possible. This song had taken me a couple of hours to pen out, but all of my heart was able to compose itself for this song. Just like the way you fell into my life, this song fell into place. The backtrack was a bit cheesy, rather Taylor Swift-y, but I took the plunge:

            Here I am, standing ten feet tall

            Wondering if you’ve noticed me at all

            There’s really only way to do this,

            Three words for you.

            I love you.

            Please love me too.

I only looked into your eyes for those three seconds, but instead of the warm feeling I was anticipating, you looked at me with sheer horror. I thought that pointing out the smaller things that I adored would make you feel special. What did I do wrong? How can you feel that embarrassed? Seeing you walk out of that bar without saying a word, not even complimenting my efforts, threw me into the deepest hole, and I never wanted to come out of it.

***

I should’ve just gone to bed; I should’ve never called you. That song you wrote was absolutely terrifying to me, because you had just met me a month prior, and you decided you were head over heels in love with me? What kind of crap is that? A part of me wanted to feel flattered by the situation but at the same time, there is no way to look at that song as anything other than downright creepy. After walking down by the river for a bit, I decided that I could be the bigger person and try to resolve this with you, and try to let you down easy. When I dialed your number, I felt certain that I could have this conversation, but when you answered after one ring there was no way that I could talk to you. You were waiting for me, which only worsens this.

When I met you at that party back in June, I realized that you and I definitely had some things in common. For instance, you liked Cubs baseball just as much as I did. You also had close to identical taste in music as myself, including your double top-secret bubblegum pop collection. Maybe that was the red flag I missed. I have no fucking clue, honestly. I thought it was really chill to have a friend with so much in common. You were always ready to go out or hit up the bars, and knew exactly what I wanted or where I would want to go. Again, probably should have thought that was weird. I’ve never had a friend like that before so I never knew the distance.

I’m glad I took time to distance myself from you after that night at Joe’s, because it seemed as though you only could get worse. For weeks you called me multiple times a day, and even if I rejected it you would call again. I get it, you wanted to talk, but I sure as hell was not ready. Then there was the time I saw you getting out of a cab in front of Watertower, and I knew I had to quickly turn around and go into the next available store with the hopes you had not seen me. That shit gets old really fast, because all I wanted was to live my life and move on from your crazy self. But, after the handful of letters you mailed to my apartment, I decided to give you a shot. You wanted to come over, but there was no way in hell that was happening. The Bean. Saturday. 2’ o clock. It’s one of the busiest tourist spots and I knew that if anything were to happen, someone would be around.         

When I walked up, you were pacing back and forth, which really creeped me out, but I had to get this over with. I had to get you over with. Your eyes looked bloodshot and your hair was really gross looking. The first words out of your mouth were “Oh thank God you’re here, I’ve been waiting for two hours.” Okay, what the hell. Two hours? Looks like you’ve been waiting for two days. I let you talk, but it translated to my mind as “Batshit crazy. Insane. Obsessed. Give me another chance.”

Give you another chance? Yeah right. Absolutely not. That’s almost like taking on a part-time job. It’s work being your friend now, because now I know that friendship isn’t all you want. The pressure of being around you would be annoying as hell and I am not even going to try that. The last thing I remember is telling you that it wouldn’t work, and you deserve happiness that is not in the form of me. What I really meant is that she needed to find someone who falls in love as easily as she does. Someone who freaks the fuck out as quickly as she does. I was in no way going to be her babysitter. We are adults at this point, and this behavior took me back to ninth grade, where girls made guys their entire lives. Hell no.

***

Watching you walk away from me, I felt myself lose feeling in my feet, and then my legs.  That numb feeling is one that only comes when emotion takes control of your body and you simply do not know how to handle what is going on. When you got into the cab, I considered following you back home one last time to try again, but I figured that was useless. You really did not want me in your life. How do we go from being so close to just all of a sudden being strangers? How do I move forward from that? Is that even possible?

For the next couple of weeks I tried to find new coffee shops to go to, as well as new routes to work. I knew at some point there was going to be a day I ran into you and just burst into tears. You were the love of my life, what else was I supposed to do? When it officially hit two weeks from our meeting, I decided to just gather up my works for you into a book, and ship them off to you.  That was my way of closure. In the process of putting it together, it took me down memory lane. A sudden rush of sadness took over my body and I curled up in a ball and just cried. I didn’t answer the phone for days, nor did I leave my apartment. I had finally hit that state of darkness, and you put me there, you bastard. I loved you so much, and you gave me nothing in return except cold cruelty. Hate is a strong word, but I really, really do not like you.

That book stayed under my bed for a couple more weeks, and I decided that it was best to not send it.  I spent my afternoons in the park feeding the birds and not answering calls. Was I ever going to find another pair of ocean eyes to gaze into? I hoped so, and then I saw you with her. 

You two were walking into the House of Blues to see The 1975. I heard they were a new band, but I refused to give them a listen because I figured you had already. Turns out I was right. But why are you with her? When we were friends, you told me that she was nothing like what you were looking for. She seems so superficial. The way she walks, everything about her, I despise. She’s nothing compared to me. I hoped you hadn’t seen me standing outside, but you did, and you rushed away. I had just gotten over what had happened before, but this made it worse. That book is leaving my house. You deserve to know how much I loved you and cared about you, because you deserve it more than that skanky twat you had dangling on your arm.

***

That fucking book. That is what fucking threw me over the edge and decided to file that restraining order. That restraining order which you still decide to go against on occasion. That’s right. I’ve seen you outside The Bottom Lounge when I go to local shows. I’ve seen you walking near The Cubbie Bear. I decided not to say anything as long as you don’t approach me. I really hope that that doesn’t happen because I love this city too fucking much to move away from it, but if you ever spoke to me again that is what I would force myself to do. You’re an absolute psychopath and a normal dude like me does not deserve to be followed by some weirdo like you. How are you even old enough to live on your own in Chicago? You’re 22 years old and you follow me around like a sick puppy. For the love of God, move on. Please.

***

I only missed you at midnight, but now I miss you all of the time. In the beginning you were a beautiful set of eyes that opened me up to a beautiful mind. Now you’re still everything to me, and I will do anything to have you back. I refuse to stop now. I want to end my writer’s block. I miss being creative. I miss being able to write poems and smell the cinnamon when I walked by the coffee shop. I miss appreciating the little things.

 

 

 

 

permanent tab

permanent tab

Sometimes I stumble upon a picture, .gif, or article that catches my eye and I have it open on my computer for days, sometimes weeks, because I want to keep looking at it or show it to all of my friends. The other day, my favorite baseball player and one of my favorite humans to walk this planet (Anthony Rizzo, CHC) tweeted about one of his buddies writing for The New Yorker. I decided to give it a read because of the catchy title, “Why I Quit Major League Baseball.” 

The reason that this title was so intriguing to me was because a good majority of the time you typically see players retiring, not quitting. As the sister of a kid who is working incredibly hard to achieve his MLB dreams, walking away is almost unfathomable in my mind. I feel as though finally reaching that point, and then just walking away, is just a weird choice. There is so much time and effort into finally making it to the big leagues, so I wanted to dive into the mind of Adrian Cardenas. I am such a fan of someone following their own dreams and using their passions and talents to their fullest extent. Good for you, Adrian. This guy has become one of my biggest influences in life. You don’t come across a person who follows their heart as much as this guy has. 

Reminisce on the memories ’cause we’re gone.

You know, I never really thought I would see the day that The Jonas Brothers stepped out of the spotlight. Even if they did, I thought they would do it gracefully and with class, the way I saw them for the past 7 years of my life. This past summer I even had the chance to meet the three guys who changed my life for the better, and they were so nice, so funny. I had faith that this year was going to be huge for them, and was anticipating their new album. Never in a million years did I expect them to step away from their tour and away from their fans. 

That last sentence sounded a bit dramatic, but honestly, the fact that they mysteriously cancelled their tour and went into hiding for three weeks really got to me. They had this huge announcement for their tour, they went out of their way to draw fans in, and then pushed us away. There was no way to stay behind them when they just walked away from us in the first place. I do know that it isn’t their fault completely, and that they have some screwed up management that decided it was okay to just out of the blue stop everything. I really don’t want to put the blame on them, because they are just getting the punishment. 

In all actuality, Joe Jonas is who I stand behind in this situation. I wanted to walk away and forget everything that had come with The Jonas Brothers, but then I remembered that Joe’s spirit, his individuality, his honesty, his weirdness, was why I stayed a fan. I really hope that he gets the help he needs, and is able to step forward and do a tell-all of this nightmare that was caused upon the fans. 

I’m just a bundle of confusion but through it all I just want to thank them I guess. They’ve done so much good for me, and there’s nothing that will change that. 

Always an Aldean girl.

Alright, so I was going to go in order of the list that I had in my previous post, but in light of the tragic Aldean news today, I felt it necessary to defend him and write about why exactly I have been a fan for going on 6 years now. 

There was something about that first time I heard “She’s Country” that had me hooked to not only the handsome fella that Jason Aldean is, but his voice was so…country. Nowadays they are trying to push forth the “country” onto so many artists. It’s an easy field to get into, sure, but you have to win over the crowds once you get there. There are so many one hits that have come in and out of country in the past 10 years, but in my mind you have to have the “cowboy” in you to keep up a career in country music. In my honest opinion, Jason embodies what a modern country musician is about. He came to the scene in the midst of Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney, who are essentially the Britney and Christina of country. To step up and have a career such as theirs might be tricky, but boy, Aldean has the charisma and talent to fit in. 

I’ve had the wonderful chance to see Jason live three times, and I will tell anyone to this day that he is by far one of my favorite performers (this says a lot..I have a strong passion for live music.) His show is absolutely amazing, and I love the fact that I can go to his shows and dance the night away, singing at the top of my lungs. 

He has produced timeless songs from each of his albums, in fact more than one from EACH album. He never fails to produce quality country music, and it’s more than obvious he will be around for a while. 

I know that sometimes it’s hard to stand by the people you respect and admire because they go through some trials (i.e. Jason’s cheating scandal and now his bus hitting/killing a person in Indiana), but sticking with them through their troubles is what means the world to them. I know that Jason wants nothing but support as he goes through this, and from what I can tell, he is handling it as best as he can. At least he isn’t bowing out and putting the blame on others, instead he steps up and takes the blows like a man. 

catching up

It’s definitely been a hot second since I got to write a decent post, so here are some of the highlights I have been meaning to cover, so I will be writing some posts about all of the following, so stay tuned for:

  • New music left and right, I can barely contain my excitement. 
  • Demi Lovato announced a tour where Little Mix is opening half of it.
  • A movie called “The Grand Budapest Hotel” that I HAVE to see in 2014. 
  • Halloween brings about my favorite season: horror movie season.
  • I have an undying love for The 1975.
  • Jason Aldean announced another leg to the Night Train tour and I almost died of happiness.
  • There is a secret art to magazine, and I have found two gems that have officially won me over.
  • Lang Leav is one hell of a writer.
  • The Jonas Brothers and their mockery of a hiatus/breakup.

stuck in my head: october 14th edition

“I Wish I Could Break Your Heart” by Cassadee Pope- I was a little iffy about her debut album, because after The Voice it seemed as though Blake Shelton was pushing her more towards a country career. In my opinion, I feel like that’s changing who she is. She started with Hey Monday, which is the furthest from country. Though I do like the album, and I believe that girls can relate to a lot of her songs. This one for example, is one of those  “blast with the windows down and scream at the top of your lungs” songs that every girl needs after a stupid boy screws them over.

“Classic” by MKTO- All of the credit to my friend Rachel for introducing me to this duo. The vocals are very unique, because they combine smooth singing with a twist of hip hop. The refrain is nothing less than catchy, and it makes me come back to listen to it over and over again.

“Bruises” by Train ft. Ashley Monroe- I stumbled across this song when I was driving around the other day, and it was so bizarre how I engulfed myself into a 3:52 experience. The lyrics are exactly how I hope an interaction with a certain person will pan out if I see him in the next five years. I also think the combination of voices in this song is so light and fun, making the song become a bit more positive.

“The One That Got Away by Katy Perry: My friends and I watched Katy Perry’s movie last week and I can honestly say that each and every time there are moments that get me more than others. I also realize how much of a kickass person Katy Perry is. Her songs have been on the soundtrack to many parts of my life, another thing I didn’t realize until I watched the movie. For as wild and crazy as her albums and wardrobe used to be, Katy is quite the reserved person, and I can appreciate that whole heartedly.

“Sorry” by Naya Rivera: First of all, good for her for putting her pipes to good use outside of Glee. Second, this song is catchy as hell. I’ve known about it for a couple of weeks now and it has been stuck in my head so many times. Naya has a unique voice that should be spread to the world, and I hope this song gets the chance it deserves.